She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
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Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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