By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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