cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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