at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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