Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize