it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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