i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
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Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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