god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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