apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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