We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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