I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize