He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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