i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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