we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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