i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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