it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
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I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize