i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it glows. i had to have it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
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I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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