she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize