Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize