The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize