i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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