Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
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Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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