you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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