He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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