overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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