I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize