I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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