What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
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A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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