did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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