He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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