Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize