They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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