just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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