he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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