hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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