I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
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I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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