It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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