I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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