oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize