The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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