Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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