i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize