Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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