watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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