There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
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You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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