Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
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As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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