I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize