I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize