no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
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I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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