my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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